No One Is Coming

I remember exactly where I was when my therapist said the words that changed everything:

“No one is coming.”

At first, it felt like a gut punch. Brutal. Unfair. Like she was pulling the last shred of hope out from under me.

But later, I realised it was one of the most liberating things I’d ever been told.

The Fantasy of Rescue

When we’ve lived through trauma—especially in childhood—it’s common to carry a quiet, persistent longing: that someone, somewhere, will come and save us.

We might not even be fully aware of it. But it shows up in all sorts of ways:

• In relationships where we hope someone will finally make us feel safe, seen, or whole.

• In work or therapy where we look for someone to “fix” us.

• In the belief that life will start once the right partner, job, or healing moment appears.

• In staying small or stuck, waiting for a permission slip that never arrives.

At its root, this longing is protective. When you’re powerless—especially as a child—it makes perfect sense to hope for a rescuer. It helps you survive unbearable things by believing someone might come. That’s not weakness. That’s resilience.

But the heartbreaking truth is: often, no one did come. And when we carry that wound into adulthood, we keep waiting. We keep hoping. And without meaning to, we hand over our power to something or someone outside of us.

Why This Keeps Us Stuck

Waiting for someone else to change your life—your past, your pain, your patterns—keeps you in a loop of helplessness.

It’s not your fault. This is how trauma wires the nervous system. When you’ve been hurt, your body learns that it’s not safe to act, to choose, to move forward. You freeze. You fawn. You look outward for cues. You stop trusting yourself.

And the world around us reinforces this. Movies, fairy tales, even some kinds of therapy, tell us that healing comes when someone else finally gets it right. But the truth is harder—and more beautiful.

No One Is Coming. And That’s the Good News.

Because if no one is coming…
Then it means you get to come for you.

You get to be the person who chooses to show up—even when it’s hard.
You get to become the adult you needed as a child.
You get to stop waiting for permission, and start living from a place of agency.

Self-empowerment doesn’t mean doing it all alone.
It means no longer outsourcing your worth, your choices, or your healing.

You can ask for help. You should build connection and community. But the most powerful shift happens when you stop expecting someone else to do the work for you—and start recognising that your life is yours.

Shifting the Perspective

So how do we make that shift?

• Start with compassion: If you’ve been waiting for someone to save you, that’s OK. There was probably a time when that was your only option.

• Get curious: Notice where you feel stuck, small, or afraid to act. Ask: What am I waiting for? Whose permission do I think I need?

• Reconnect with your agency: Even small choices—getting out of bed, saying no, going to therapy—are acts of power.

• Find safe spaces: Empowerment doesn’t mean isolation. It means surrounding yourself with people who remind you of your own strength—not ones who need to be your strength.

• Let grief have its place: There’s a deep grief in realising no one is coming. You’re allowed to feel it. But don’t stop there. Let that grief be the soil for something new to grow.

I still think about what my therapist said.
It wasn’t cruel. It was the most loving thing she could have offered.

No one is coming. But I am, I’m showing up for me everyday!
And so are you.